Thursday, 10 September 2009
What a night...I can stand anything now. I'm not going to see him again. Why don't I have someone to talk to about this? Just sitting here breathing, trying to keep calm.
Yes, he's probably been sleeping without a worry in the world, he doesn't know he's never gonna see me again! But I'm free; I managed to keep it secret during the last time we talked.
His girlfriend at told me to go to his house after dinner. They were going to be in the garden. I spent a long time on their balcony, looking at the sun that, for me, seemed to be setting for the last time. So many times I had been there with him watching that brilliant scene, and now...
I walked up and down the little path that leads to the garden, thinking of how, when we had just met, we found this secret spot covered with leaves, which we both loved. It's like a tiny secret den that one can get in, and it's the most isolated place in the world. I still remember the strange sensation I felt when I first went in it. It felt like a sort of omen of everything, good and bad, that was yet to come.
So, anyway, I'd been thinking about all this, when I heard them coming up. I ran to meet them and we all went down again and, while we walked, the moon came out.
We sat down on a bench P. in the middle, very uneasy. I couldn't even stay seated...I was so nervous. I got up, walked up and down, stopped.
P. noticed the beauty of the moonlight on the treetops. Then there was silence. Then he said something like:
" Every time I see this light I start thinking of immortality. We will definitely exist forever. But( and he looked at me) will we meet again? will we know each other? What do you think Oscar?"
And I said: " Yes, I think we will meet again...I guess. "
This conversation wasn't a good idea from the beginning, because it made P. think about his mother, who passed away some time ago.
He was practically crying....
So his girlfriend tried to console him, saying that he was thinking too much about death and stuff like that. He was really upset, couldn't cheer up.
He told us about the last time he saw her before she died, how she had whispered something to him that he's never gonna tell anybody.
M., P's girlfriend, was there when she died.
She hugged him and he hugged her back, sobbing. Then he got up, and I was just there, really shaken. He said that it was time to go, but I touched his shoulder and said: " We will meet each other again. Now I'm leaving, but it is because I want to leave. It's not forever, it's never forever. Bye. We'll see each other again.."
" Tomorrow, maybe" said P. half smiling.
I kinda laughed back, but inside me I was thinking that he didn't know what the truth was.
They went down the path towards the house. I sat down again, and I couldn't help crying, not even sure why. I just spent a long time there on my own crying my guts out. They didn't see me.