Oh, ok so, I did hear from P. and ( finally) today he invited me to his place!
His brothers and sisters were there too, and they're all very nice, so we just spent a lot of time playing video games with them.
at some point their father arrived with a friend of his, I think, and this guy was just really annoying as he started making comments about how bad videogames are for kids and stuff like that...bah.
So now I can imagine him going around telling his friends that P. and I have a bad influence on P.'s brothers.

Gosh, sometimes i really think children should stay children...I mean, sometimes adults are so dumb compared to children...they can say and do such stupid things and for the most absurd reasons.
Maybe it's just my idea, I dunno. Aww, ok, I'll stop rambling about these things.

Night

I found out where P. lives, and, I know it might sound very silly, but I've been loitering around that area quite a lot recently...it's a very nice place, sort of leafy and green and there's this amazing cemetery I love going to. It makes me feel very happy when I go there..well, happy is not the right word, actually, coz I feel sort of hungry, yearning. But I like that sensation , in fact, sometimes I prefer being hungry rather than satisfied. Being satisfied makes me bored and nervous. 

But it's funny that that area, which I used to go to pretty often even in the past as some relative of mine lives there, now seems so different.

Since I've been going there on my own, without being brave enough to call him, I've been thinking a lot about desire and and the way people dream about going further, discovering, but then most of the times they just accept their limitations and carry on with a life full of routine.

This reminded me that when I was younger , if I saw like mountains or a big field or something, I would dream about what it would be like to go there, to reach the far end. But then, when I actually got to the far end, I found there was nothing worth being there for. 

Because, like, the there became here and it became boring. 

So, it's like saying that I always really want what I don't have.

I still haven't seen P. since the party. He hasn't called me either... 

uh, where was I with the story?

anyway, I remember that when I went to bed it was like 2 in the morning, but I wasn't sleepy at all...in fact, if I had had someone to talk to I would have easily carried on until like noon or something. 

I still haven't talked about what happened when P. and I went back to the party, after having spent what must have been quite a long time standing in the rain. But I'm kinda in a hurry now, shit, and I don't wanna rush everything and stuff, so I'll talk about it next time. 

It was such an ace night/morning tho!

Dawn and stuff, you know? Very romantic and..I dunno.

Some people were sleeping on the grass in the garden. P. asked me if I wanted to sleep too. I said that I wasn't, in the least. 

We took a bus back home ( each one his own). And when it was time for me to get off the bus, I asked him if I could see him again soon, and if I could call him later that day. He said yes. But he had to think about his girlfriend and stuff. But that didn't matter too much, he said. 

LOL, I don't even know if it is day or night, the world around me is kinda blurry, I feel like being on a roller-coaster or something...

I decided not to go to his place after all..his parents at home and shit like that. But I've been speaking with him on chat...he's bloody great.
He's a bit older than me and he's got like eight siblings or something. But this doesn't really matter, does it?
What matters I guess is ho w I met him and stuff.
Well, ok, let's see.

Basically, I went to this party one night. I wasn't too keen on going because it was organized by some friends of my parents, and I was kind of forced to go and stuff like that, which I really hated. Plus, I got chatted up almost immediately by this really boring girl, and I was basically having the worst time ever.

What I ignored, though, was the existence of my parents' friends' oldest son, P.

Well, he arrived to the party kinda late, and I'd been sitting there trying to cope with this girl's lousy chatting.

His siblings were at the party already, and when he arrived all of them jumped up and went to say hi to him. They must love him very much, and I can see why : )

So, I must have looked at him intensely enough for him to notice, coz he came to me after a while, and introduced himself.
He also apologized for the party, which he agreed was kinda boring. The youngest of his brothers were still gravitating around him, so he told them to introduce themselves to me.
It was all pretty sweet.
So, I forgot to say that the party was in this big house with an even bigger garden, so we ( me and him) ended up walking outside.
We started talking about book sand stuff, and I got really excited when he told me he's into Romantic literature, stuff like Goethe and Byron, ya know.

So, I was so enthusiast that I started talking about " The Sorrows of Young Werther" by Goethe, which is a wicked book where this fucked up kid commits suicide because the girl he loves doesn't give a damn about him, and I kinda talk non stop for hours, which was perhaps a mistake as, when I finally stopped, I realized P. had started talking to someone else.

Luckily, though, he came back to me very quickly.
He asked me if I wanted to dance, and you can bet I said yes.


We went back inside and started dancing on this allright 70's rock music, not exactly my favourite, but far enough.
Maybe it's just an illusion or something, but I could tell he was into me. He gave me some very intense looks and smiled a lot and danced closer and closer to me. He also pretended he wasn't though. Like his looks were sort of secret, and he kept checking that people weren't looking at us and stuff. Gosh, it was pretty hard work not to get too involved, really.

It felt great, I didn't actually feel human anymore, more, err, a godlike creature?
I guess that's because I felt so grand, or something.

Then we stopped dancing and sat down, I went to get drinks and then we kept on chatting.

The weird bit was when he mentioned, for like three times in a row, the name of a girl. I got pretty nervous and stuff, so I asked him who she was. Damn.


You know why?

He said she is his girlfriend. Can ya believe it?
Fuck, that really disappointed me.

I didn't know what to say, I think I blushed or something, and I had to leave.

So I waled around the party for a while, didn't know where the hell to go really.
Meanwhile the party was getting louder and messier, and people were starting to get drunk, both the old and the young ones.
So walked upstairs, not knowing where the hell I was going, and you know what?
There were these kids crammed in a bedroom, and P. was in the centre of them all.
I then found out it was his bedroom.

I didn't want to get in at first, but he saw me and kind of dragged me in.
They were playing this game where you have to roll the bottle and decide if you want to confess something personal or have let someone "do" something to you.
When it was P.'s turn, he had to slap at least five people.
He slapped some boys and girls, not very hard and sort of politely, but then he slapped me, and that was way different, I think.
I mean, he slapped me kinda hard, but in a, how can I say, passionate way? Like, he wanted to kiss me but could only slap me?
I remember the burning sensation on my cheek. I loved it.

Meanwhile, outside it had started raining pretty bad.
When the game finished, P. and me went outside together. We stood in the rain for a bit and got quite soaked.
We didn't speak much at all, just stood there, but then P. started singing "Black Sabbath"( by Black Sabbath, of course) which starts with the rain, you know?

And we kinda sang it together in the rain. It was pretty awesome, I think.

Reason why I haven't written in such a long time? Well, it's kinda tricky to explain really...well, ok, I'll give it a try: I met this person whom I think I'm really interested in and ya know...no, I dunno, LOL.
As I said, it's tricky to explain this, especially now that my brain is sort of fucked by the presence of aforementioned person. I'm happy, I think?
It seems daft and kind of cheesy to start saying how amazing this guy is, I know...I'll try to avoid that. But, gosh is he cool!
It's also kind of pointless for me to try to describe this guy, I'd probably fail anyway...but I've gotta tell someone!
And I know that if I don't write it down now I'm gonna change my mind and not write about it at all...I'd prolly start thinking that it's really tacky after all and stuff...

so I will say how I met him and stuff, but now I actually have to go see him so, more later.