Thursday, 23 December 2010

After 11:00

Around me everything is so silent and my soul is quiet. Thank you God for giving me this strength in my last moments.
I go by the window, my love: I look out and I still see, through the clouds, a few stars.
Eternity has both of us in its heart. I see the stars and think of you. Aren't you too around me? And didn't I, like a small child, take possession of each little thing you touched?
I left a message to you and your family asking to take care of my, I mean, my body. I want to be buried under those trees you know. You know which ones.
P., I am ready! I won't shake drinking from the cold, terrible cup of death. You gave it to me and I accept it. Everything! In this way I pay back the hopes I had in my life.
If I had been lucky enough to die for you! P., I'd give all myself for you! I'd die with courage, I'd die with joy, if I could give back peace and joy to your life.

I want to be buried with this clothes. You touched them, and they are sacred. My soul will float on the coffin. Nobody shall look in my pockets! That wristband you were wearing the first time I met you...

Give a kiss to your brothers and sisters, and tell them about me. I remember them all around me! I've been so close to you, haven't I? And I haven't been able to leave you since the first time I met you. That wristband, should be buried with me. You gave it to me for my birthday!
I wasn't thinking of all these things then.
I wasn't thinking that that path would have taken me to this.


Please, keep calm!

It's sharp enough, I think. It's almost midnight. And so it is, P.
My love, Goodbye. Goodbye.

For the last time I saw nature. I saw the fields and the sky.
Goodbye everyone.
Mother, forgive me.
Everything is in order, I think.
Goodbye, I'll see you again.
I made a mess for everyone.
I hope you shall all be happy.

Last day

I got a razor it cuts.
I kiss it because you gave it to me once. You Heavenly Spirit brought it to me.
I wanted to receive death from your hands, P., and I did.
Would you have said no to me?
You know you can't hate someone who loves you as much as I do.
For the last time, then, for the last time I open my eyes. They won't have to see the sun anymore. The mist hid it from me today. Be sad, Nature! Your son, your friend, your lover is getting closer to his end. P.! I feel something hard to describe, kinda similar to a dream, when I say to myself:" THis is my last day, my last!".
P., I don't understand this word, "last". Am I not here full of life? And tomorrow, I'll be lying on the floor, cold. TO die! What does it mean? You see, us, when we speak of death, we dream. I saw many die, but human beings are so limited they can't give a reason to the end of their being. Am I still mine or yours now? Yours, my love! ANd, after only just a second, separated, detached forever! No, P., no! How can I, how can you, pass away? We ARE! To pass away, to end! What does it mean? One more word, an empty sound....that doesn't find a corrispondence in my heart. Dead,P., hidden inside the cold ground, so cold, so dark!
When i was little I had a girl friend who was very important for me. She died and I remember going to her funeral. I remember standing by the hole where the coffin was, this sound that seemed to come from the coffin itself as they threw soil on it. I didn't understand.
"Death" "grave", they're words I don't understand.
Forgive me. Yesterday.....It should have been my last day. For the first time, for the first time, this thought ran through my whole body: 'he loves me!'
I knew it,that you love me, from the beginning. And yet, everytime I was with you and your girlfriend I went back to my state of fear, of frustration.
But every little sign of your love for me meant everything to me.
These memories are perhaps destined to fade away, but no eternity at all will erase the taste of your lips from my lips, the feeling of your body in my arms.
You are mine, P.
You are mine forever.

What does it mean that she is your girlfriend? Girlfriend! What does it mean in this world the fact that I love you and I wish to take you away from her to make you mine? I feel guilty for this.
But, from this moment, you are mine P. Mine!
I'll go forward and you'll come too and I'll fly to you and I'll hold you in my arms and I'll be close to you in front of the Infinite forever.
I'm not dreaming! I'm not crazy. We will exist! We will see each other!

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

Ossian (last)

Why do you awaken me, spring wind? You stroke and say: "I carry dew from the sky! But near is the time of me death: next is the storm which will throw all my leaves to the ground. Tomorrow the traveller will come here, he will come who saw me in my beauty, his eyes will look for me all around in the fields, but he won't find me.