Tuesday, 28 April 2009


.........I'm starting to doubt I even exist.
How can I be sure I exist, in fact?
Maybe I'm just the figment of the imagination of someone living on another planet?
Maybe I'm the ghost of someone who lived two centuries ago?
Maybe I wasn't born in England?
Maybe I'm not a male?
Maybe I'm not even human?

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Heart beat

Last night I couldn't sleep,
my heart kept me awake.

I couldn't stop listening
to its mad drumming
I was scared it might explode
for it was as deafening
as the roaring of a bomb.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

The Grizzly MAn

So, one of the films I downloaded and watched yesterday is " Grizzly Man" by Werner Herzog.
It talks about this guy, Timothy Treadwell, who's completely passionate about grizzly bears and wants to be one of them and be accepted by them.
He spends day after day alone in their company and then, one day, he ( and his unlucky girlfriend) is devoured by a bear.
The film presents the footage fgilmed by Treadwell together with interviews to people he used to know, and a voiceover y Herzog.

I'm not sure what it is, but there's something stunning about this film. This guy Treadwell, he was amazing. He had this childish way of speaking and of getting excitedabout things that reminds me of, I don't know, Michael Jackson perhaps?

VEry fascinating characters. People the world doesn't, cannot, understand.

What is responsible? Is being a human a responsible thing?


Holi - days

mm, Easter, right?

I spent these days downloading filma and music for free... PIRATES, are you there??

Monday, 6 April 2009

The Call of Chtulhu

I read H.P. Lovecraft's "The Call of Chtulhu" and I was completely blown away...

it's simply amazing. SUBLIME.

That horrific yet beautiful image which is " too much to take" or " what a human being shouldn't see" keeps popping back in my mind.

I have been looking for representations of Lovecraft's description of Cthulhu, but was disappointed by what I found. Most of them are squid - like monsters...nothing sublime or horrifica about them. Here are a couple of exemples:

Very uninpressive, no?
so yes, I was thinking, if anybody is interested in Cthulhu and knows of any better visual interpretation, can you please let me know?
Or I ws also wondering...has anybody tried to draw one?
I haven't, but I will soon I think.

This morning

Waking up, slightly hungover
I was filled with a strange enthusiasm:

I exist, I said, I exist in this world at this time.

I can go out there, get up, do things. I can create, I can feel.
I've got a body and I've got a brain.

I can do anything I want to do.
I still haven't done anything, I am new, what I know is never enough. I will go out there and explode.

And if I won't achieve what I want, then I will still be able to BE, to survive, to wander around ( like a cloud, oh) to exist and be surprised, everyday, by the mere fact of existence, by my body, by other people's stories, by all the mysteries yet to be discovered.

This is what came to my mind as I was awakening, slightly hungover, this morning.

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

You bloody haters

YOU can go kill yourselves, you idiots!

I am not going to....
You don't have any right to tell me that I should kill myself...what the fuck?

You say I'm irritating? You say I'm EMO? That I'm gay?

Well, fuck you, what do you know about me?

Who the hell are you to tell ME what I should be?

Too many questions: you probably wouldn't be able to answer any of them, you brainless dumbos.
Between me and you there are chasms...but you seem to keep forgetting that you are not smart enough to talk to me...

You want to kill me? Right, go ahead. But don't expect me not to try defend myself.

Oscar Scar - still alive, fighting and writing poems.