Tuesday, 21 December 2010

I have decided one thing P., NOW. I want to die. and I'm writing it without any romantic excitement, calm, on the day I will last see you. When you, my love, will read this, the cold soil will already be covering the rigid body of this restless idiot who, in the last moments of his life, cannot find any sweetness apart from talking to you. I just spent a horrible day and, yes, a beneficial day. And you convinced me even more: I want to DIE! When yesterday I left you I felt so excited, and everything went against my heart and I was suffocated by the sight of a life with you, a cold, desperate and unhappy life, then I got to my room I fell on my bed and I cried. I cried A thousand images, a thousand initiatives went through my soul and, finally, a last one rose above all the others: I want to die!
I fell asleep and now waking up the thought is still there in my mind, and strong in my heart: I want to die!
It isn't desperation. It is certainty that I have suffered all I had to suffer, and that I want to sacrifice myself for you. Yes, P. Why should I shut up? One of us three has to disappear and I want to be that one! My love.....I thought so many times to kill your girlfriend or you, or myself! ANd so, this should be.
Remember me
on a nice summer evening
when you climb on a mountain
look downhill
there will be my tomb
where the wind blows
in the light of the sunset.

I was calm when I started writing and now I'm crying like a child. Everything around me breathes.

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