Thursday, 23 December 2010

For the last time, then, for the last time I open my eyes. They won't have to see the sun anymore. The mist hid it from me today. Be sad, Nature! Your son, your friend, your lover is getting closer to his end. P.! I feel something hard to describe, kinda similar to a dream, when I say to myself:" THis is my last day, my last!".
P., I don't understand this word, "last". Am I not here full of life? And tomorrow, I'll be lying on the floor, cold. TO die! What does it mean? You see, us, when we speak of death, we dream. I saw many die, but human beings are so limited they can't give a reason to the end of their being. Am I still mine or yours now? Yours, my love! ANd, after only just a second, separated, detached forever! No, P., no! How can I, how can you, pass away? We ARE! To pass away, to end! What does it mean? One more word, an empty sound....that doesn't find a corrispondence in my heart. Dead,P., hidden inside the cold ground, so cold, so dark!
When i was little I had a girl friend who was very important for me. She died and I remember going to her funeral. I remember standing by the hole where the coffin was, this sound that seemed to come from the coffin itself as they threw soil on it. I didn't understand.
"Death" "grave", they're words I don't understand.
Forgive me. Yesterday.....It should have been my last day. For the first time, for the first time, this thought ran through my whole body: 'he loves me!'
I knew it,that you love me, from the beginning. And yet, everytime I was with you and your girlfriend I went back to my state of fear, of frustration.
But every little sign of your love for me meant everything to me.
These memories are perhaps destined to fade away, but no eternity at all will erase the taste of your lips from my lips, the feeling of your body in my arms.
You are mine, P.
You are mine forever.

What does it mean that she is your girlfriend? Girlfriend! What does it mean in this world the fact that I love you and I wish to take you away from her to make you mine? I feel guilty for this.
But, from this moment, you are mine P. Mine!
I'll go forward and you'll come too and I'll fly to you and I'll hold you in my arms and I'll be close to you in front of the Infinite forever.
I'm not dreaming! I'm not crazy. We will exist! We will see each other!

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