Sunday, 24 May 2009

After May 4th 2009

Hey friend, ( you know I'm talking to you, don't you?) I am sooo glad I left! Human beings, and their hearts, are so bloody strange sometimes! I was havign an ace time with you, seriously, you know I love you man, but I must say I don't regret leaving at all. I'm sure you'll forgive me. I'm starting to think everybody was there to make me feel weird, in some way. I mean, you know Leonore? Gosh, she was so into me I felt I had an alien in my belly or something. I mean, I could stand her sister, she was kind of silly and that was alright, but Leonore! She just made this big drama out of everything just because I wasn't into her. It's not my fault, you know...but at the same time I do feel a bit guilty...I mean, perhaps I encouraged her without noticing. I did spend time with her, and we had quite an enjoyable time together too, you were there so you know. I simply didn't understand that the reality wasn't as laughable. I didn't take it seriously enough. I mean, I didn't...gosh, what state I'm in...I'll try and be better in the future, in a way or the other.
I'm gonna try and stop whining about everything and think about the present a bit more. Let the past take care of itself. Yeah, I see what you meant when you said that I can't carry on racking my brains over the're so wise sometimes.
I've had this argument with my mum, but I don't feel like talking about it now. Nothing big. I just realize how misunderstanding sometimes is worse than bad actions...coz things end up being even worse when people don't understan each other.

Anyhow...I'm feeling allright at the mom. I just love being alone, some days ago, on the 4th to be precise, I spent a few hours walking down the canal, and it was glorious: sun, spring, all made me feel great, which is unusual. I wished I could be a bird or a fly or something really light. Being in town is not that nice, but as soon as you go to a park or somethin
g, it's just great.
I found this little garden with an old shed in it, and I just spent sometime in the shed, thinking. It felt like there was something really, how can I say, 'sensitive' about that garden...I dunno...but it made me feel very emotional ( not unusual). And I started to think I'd love to own that garden.

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